Time to process….
It’s been a long time since I’ve updated this thing, sorry about that. I did have good intentions to update this each month from Africa but the internet was less than expected. I was happy to be able to access my instant messenger so I could chat with family and friends but anything more was not to be expected. I do plan to go back and write posts from my year, just not today.
Today I am going to write about what is on my mind. It’s been 6 weeks since I left Sudan and my heart feels like it has a slow leak. It’s not a big gaping wound because I was ready to come home but it’s the type of wound that is hard to detect and even harder to heal. People would ask me if I was ready to come back to the states and I would always respond by saying “I’m ready to go home but I’m not ready to leave.”
Last year was difficult. It has been the hardest year of my life but also the richest. I got a small glimpse into what it looks like for Christ to be sufficient for all my needs. For God to be my source of comfort when all day long I was uncomfortable. To see joy amidst pain and suffering. To know that there was nothing physically I could do to help some of my friends other than pray and how those prayers were answered faithfully by our Creator.
So if I saw all these things last year and I know how faithful God is then why do I feel like I’m drowning right now. Why was it so easy for me to trust God last year but now that I’m back in the land of comfort it’s so difficult? I came across a few verses this morning that really seemed to pinpoint exactly what I’m feeling.
Psalm 119:82 My eyes fail, looking for your promise; I say, “When will you comfort me?”
Psalm 119:116 Sustain me according to your promise, and I will live; do not let my hopes be dashed.
Psalm 119:144 Your statues are forever right; give me understanding that I may live.
So that’s what I’m feeling but this is how I want to feel:
Psalm 1:1-6 Blessed is the man who does nt walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers.
Not so the wicked! They are like chaff that the wind blows away. Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous, but the way of the wicked will perish.
My last picture taken in Nagishot.
